空大英文文選 1

Chapter 1
For Your Laughter(1) -Crazy Driver(I)
The Following stories of crazy drivers are reportedly to be true. Be careful.
Parking a CarOn October 13 1993, a British woman tried to park her car into a curbside space, measured at 19.36m, equivalent to three standard parking spaces.She started the maneuver at 11.15 a.m. and successfully parked her car within three feet of the pavement, eight hours and fourteen minutes later.There were a few misfortunes, of course, considering the long duration of such a maneuver.The casualties included: damages to the bumpers and wings of her own car and two cars happened to sit near by, shop frontage, and yes, two lampposts.

On April 2, 1987, a British doctor drove a Saab 900, with her hand brake on, for 313 miles (500 kilometers). Only two miles into her journey the doctor smelled something burning.But she pressed on, with smoke billowing from the rear wheels.In addition, the right turn signal was flashing and the choke was fully out during the whole journey.

Know Thy
CarAn elderly woman went for a shopping in a mall.Upon returning to the parking lot, she found four males sitting in her car.She dropped her shopping bags and drew a handgun from her purse.She raised her gun and screamed at the top of her voice.“ Do you see what I am holding in my hand? I know how to shoot. Now, you get out of my car, punks! The four men didn’t wait around for a second instruction. They got out and ran like hell.The lady then packed her gun, loaded her shopping bags into the trunk and got into the driver’s seat.But she just could not start the car: her key wouldn’t fit into the ignition.Finally she found out that her own car was parked four or five spaces away, which was identical to this one. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.Inside the police station, four pale white makes were reporting a car-jacking by a mad elderly white woman. The police sergeant nearly tore himself in two with laughter.No charges were filed.

Are You Blind (I)
Two Tennessee people decide to go for a ride after they were drunk late in the night.The blind person asked the owner of the BMW to let him drive it, because , he figured, he knew his own road well enough to drive with his friend’s help.So they put the top of the BMW convertible down and went for a spin in the rain.Spin they did.The BMW missed a sharp left curve and smashed into a tree.The driver, blind since age six, broke his arm and the owner had a shattered leg.Both were fined for driving under influence. The driver later told the Tennessee Highway Patrol troopers to ‘ never let a blind drive.”

Are You Blind (II)
A senior citizen was driving home after work when his cell phone rang.It was his wife on the phone.She said,” Listen,” Listen, I just heard on the TV that there was a car driving the wrong way on the interstate highway. You be careful.”The elderly man answered, It’s not just one car, dear, it’s hundreds!”

Are You Blind (III)
Not too long ago, the state of Georgia produced a tape for blind people.It is the audio version of a book published by the Dept. of Transportation of the state of Georgia.The title of the book-The Georgia motorcycle operators’ manual.What do you think is the purpose of this audio tape?

I Dare You ( Speed Enforcement, Mongolia-Style)
In Mongolia, the police invented a creative way to stop speeding.When a driver is speeding, sirens along the main street will go off.Customers or pedestrians along the street will just pick up old boxes and furniture, set specifically by the shopkeepers and caf owners, and throw them at the offending driver and his passengers.They will eventually be pulled from the vehicle and covered in camel dung.For nine years no one has ever tried speeding again.

Speeding Ticket of a Different Kind
不同種類的速度罰單。Speeding ticket 超速罰單
Sometime in 1998, a retired British senior citizen lost his license for driving too slowly on a country road.Police saw Douglas Illingworth, aged 83, traveling at 1 mph with a long trail of cars behind him on the A61 country road, near the city of Barnsley.Barnsley magistrates barred him from driving for a year, gave him a conditional discharge and ordered to take an eye test.Are You Insured?Sometime ago in St. Louis, a car hit a bus carrying 5 passengers. By the time the police arrived on the scene, there were 14 more people on the bus, all complaining about whiplash injuries and back pain.